The Breakdown

To my September Shakeoff Challenge Group

Yesterday Darrin and I went to Kroger to just grab a few things to eat and I had my first meltdown about food. Let me just go into a little bit of a back story. 3 years ago my mother had a a gastric sleeve done because she weighed at her biggest 426 pounds. I remember after the surgery her having breakdowns about losing her best friend food and I would try to comfort her and tell her it's ok and that it's whats best for her. What didn't understand was why she was so upset about it. NOW I completely understand. In all weight loss journey's I have gave up somethings but within a week or two go back to my old eating habits because it was too hard to follow a healthy meal plan or I didn't like the food. With this group I started exercising regularly and changed some eating habits but haven't been exactly diligent what I have been eating. I am so ready for a change in my life that it has actually become a time for personal reflection and change with my whole life. But yesterday walking through Kroger I was craving a soda which I am not suppose to have. I grabbed the 2-liter of Mountain Dew and then we had gone to the ice cream section and I got one of the baby Ben & Jerry's Mint Chocolate chip going it will be ok because it's just a little one. as we were walking to check out I turned the cart around started crying because I knew I wanted these things I also knew they aren't good for me and I should put them back. I started crying frustrated realizing I have a relationship and addiction with food. Darrin told me to just get my soda because it's what came the store to get in the first place. I just said no but it back and cried quietly to myself. He supports me in my decision to get healthy but hates to see my cry or hurt. And yesterday I was HURT I was giving up my "friends" and now I understand. All my life everything has revolved around food and it sucks! I want to feel good about how I look and how I feel. During this time there has been a lot of life and personal reflection going on not just with my weight but with everything. I know I can do this but I need help and support and love along the way. As Dave Ramsey would say I have to " Live like no else, so later you can live like no one else!"  I want to live a long healthy life not only for myself but for my kids too!